"I thought, maybe, this wasn't going to be great for my health. But what am I? A doctor?"

Sex, drugs and unbridled stupidity? We’ve got it all, baby!

From negotiations with gun-wielding drug-dealers to near-death experiences throughout the Third World—lost teeth, brain injuries, jail, schizophrenia, robberies, and more sex than one could deem necessary—these are the unfiltered, unbelievably true adventures of one lone idiot, as he travels the world by the very definition of the word “poorly.”

Will there be nudity? You bet. Good decisions? Not one. Stories you wish you’d never heard? Oh, you better believe your sweet baby Jesus. All you need is to leave your conscience at the door and jump into the passenger seat. It's going to be a wild f**king ride. Who knows, you might even enjoy yourself along the way…

And that’ll say more for you than it did for him.

Chapter Description

I Love Travelling

Why do we do it?

My Favourite Robberies

A snapshot of times I've found myself on the wrong end of business negotiations.

Mardi Gras- Part I

How one man entered New Orleans with optimism in his pocket and left without a smile.

Mardi Gras- Part II

Drug deals done poorly.


Smoking marijuana in doses fit to make Bob Marley comatose is only ever ending badly.

My First Rape

This is a difficult one to explain.



When the law doesn't see the funny side of your life choices.

The Drowned, The Disabled, The Daring

A near-death experience and sex with a future Paralympian? Whaaaat?

A Birthday Disgrace

When you get robbed on your birthday, the only real option at your disposal is to hit them right back.

My Slip into Insanity

When you’re losing blood at a life-threatening rate, would it be too much to ask for a hospital?

Life in The Fast Lane

While elbow deep in the midst of a concussion, I didn’t need to visit Cancun.

Life in a Much Slower Lane

What are the consequences of mixing a three-day c*** bender with a concussion? Usually death.

A Flustering Fap

Sometimes all you need after a near-death experience is a little alone time.



A harmless night of drunken activities ends in a very sticky situation for ol’ Bing.

Comedy Night

Stand-up comedy has a bright future in Texas.

The Perfect Week- Part One

One man’s ambitious quest for perfection.

Intermission- Sorority Date Party

A non-event for some loose ends.

The Perfect Week- Part Two

The nail-biting climax.

The Perfect Follow up

Does the perfect story exist?