Travel Tattoos

There’s nothing I hate more in this life than “sentimental” travel tattoos. Whether it’s an inaccurate compass “pointing towards home,” a world map to show everyone you were never able to grasp third-grade geography, or a quote in a foreign language, that for all you know says, “My Mother Never Loved Me,” you must know that when you plastered one of these atrocities onto your body, you permanently labelled yourself; a fucking loser.


There is a belief that infests some people’s minds on the road that they must ink themselves to set their own insignificant experiences apart from the rest, when the reality is that they have done nothing exceptional or mildly original. If this is you, please know that doodling on yourself “coordinates” of that place you visited for a few weeks where you “found yourself”; a quote that could be obtained off a simple Google search; or any quote that includes the words “Discover,” “Journey,” “Explore,” “Dream,” “Adventure,” or “Escape,” in a non-ironic way, means you gave up all intentions of obtaining an actual personality during your ventures abroad.


And don’t get me started on a “wave,” “seashell,” or “palm tree”—you’re not the only person in the world to have ever visited a beach. And a tattoo of an “aeroplane” or a “bird” doesn’t make you unique; it makes you a punchline. If you just have “Wanderlust” tattooed on your body, there are no words to describe you. But I will try:


You are scum, you have no dignity, and you should be euthanised.


So, before you decide on getting that “meaningful” travel tattoo, please ask yourself: is this really worth my self-respect?


Unprotected Treks! Here! Buy! Now!